"bEhiNd mY wOUndED hEArt"

after a year...

he used to be mine but now he's not..

i can't believe it's been a year already since the day

he totally messed my life..after a year, here i am standing

strong despite the trials i've been through...

before, i thought I couldn't live my life without him

but now, I've proved to myself that I could live without

him & I could make my life better than before..a lot of changes

have already occured since the day he left me, a lot of twists

happened..up to this time, I don't know and I just don't

understand why he's still disturbing me..I'm starting a new life

already and I've moved on and I know that he has his new life too

but he still disturbs me...yes, i've moved on and yes, the wounds

have been gradually healed but then fact is: "im not yet ready for

another set of pain that may once again destruct my life"...i hope he

knows that...

why am i still bothered?

shocks!

I thought life would be

easy for me right now

but I think I'm mistaken

cz I'm totally lost

right now!

O.M.G.! what am i

gonna do now?

I'm totally BOTHERED...

I'm totally LOST!

im glad i've made it!

I thought up to now,

I couldn't get over him

cz I always get hurt everytime I see

something that reminds me of him...

Months have passed and to be

exact..10 MONTHS have passed

since I've got my greatest downfall,

my life's most unforgettable twist

yet it's that phase of my life

that showed me who he really is...

Last August 18-morning, I've got

no sleep at all very much busy preparing for

our project proposal's presentation at CICC...

I thought nothing could be so very nervous

than getting ready to face funding investors,

the ABOITIZ people, the AYALA people, MERALCO,

and the UNITED NATIONS representative...

Everything changed when I saw him

cz nervousness really struck me...

I was nervous if I'd be able to show him how

messy my life is right now

but then I was glad cz at least I've shown him

the real me..without pretending...

I've shown him that I was actually very

busy with my life without him,

busy not with my lovelife but very

much busy with other things more important

than that!

I hope I've proved him wrong that up to

now I'm still up to him cz reality is...

I'M MOVING ON!

i hate him soooooo much!

I thought he wants me back!

I just said nothing to him when he proposed again

I kept myself silent for the real feelings I still have

He insisted that he still loves me and he wants me back

yet...I answered nothing

after 3 days he called me and

he proudly said, "mai, nagbalik na mi!"

shit! he's so rude!

he just said he loves me and he wants me back

but then he's with another girl now!

I hate him so much!

I really can't understand him...

after telling me that they're together again,

he said that he still loves me,

but then for a very deep and personal reason,

he said,it's better if we're friends!!!

Gosh! he's reason is so out of this world!

I mean the reason he was talking about

could be avoided but grrrrrrrrrrr...

I hate him!

I REALLY HATE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i thought we're okay...

After 9 months, he've finally apologized.

Since July 16, he kept on texting and sometimes calling

It was just the other night when we finally talked back

on the phone for a longer time...

He apologized but I dont know if he was sincere...

At first, I was wondering if why he was still disturbing me

cz for all I know it was really so long when we agreed

not to text or even call each other,..

we agreed to stop disturbing each other and to let go...

but then now, he's back he's wanting me back...

after all the pain?

after all the heartache?

after all the depressed moments?

after all the lonely times?

after all those sleepless nights?

after all those cry-to-death?

after all my sacrifices?

after all the shame?

after all the suicidal attempts?

he's here?...

he's back?...

is this for real?...

I think THIS IS NOT...

I texted him yesterday to call me with my Sun

I haven't answered his calls for I was so busy

It was just 5 missed calls I guess

and after that he said..."kapoi tawag oi if lah motubag"

I thought he wants me back but why cant he understand

that I was busy that time?

why did he immediately loose his patience?

just after 5 missed calls?

Thanks God I haven't said "YES" when he

proposed again for I know that someday

I'll be hurt again and for the second time

he'll LEAVE me!....

hAPpY mONthSarry!!!

june 13,2007 was indeed unforgettable...

now, july 13,2007 (bisag dawn nah gud!) is a great celebration...

Thank you so much for enlightening my life &

for giving me a new beginning...

YOU'RE my SAVIOUR and my STRENGTH...

I need not to mention your name cz

deep inside my heart, I know who you

are and how you amazingly changed me...

I LOVE YOU...

HAPPY MONTHSARRY!

is it over?

nine months have passed yet the pain remains...

I never thought it would take me so long to recover from that

traumatic experience...

I've learned my lessons and regrets strike my heart...

If only I did not gave my "YES" to him 2 years ago,

I maybe feeling so free right now...

After that relationship with him, I thought I've got

my freedom which I was longing for...

Yes, I've got it but I'm still trapped with my broken past...

I feel so depressed not because I lost him

but because I've hurt my loved ones before because

my attention and my life just turned around that guy...

I did not know that an almost 2 yr relationship would

destroy my life this instantly...

It takes time to be healed yet I'm willing to wait

no matter how long it would take me to be completely

healed. I wanna move on for me to leave my past

and most importantly,

to begin a NEW LIFE without him....